Is it any coincidence that the word 'bliss' can be found in the letters of your name? From our very first meeting, I knew it wouldn't be our last, and that I would never be the same. You were so hot, I knew I'd get burned, but I just couldn't wait.
There were so many times, it's hard to keep track. I've had you up and down the East Coast, rendezvoused with you on vacation, but it was never enough. Every time I had you in front of me, it was like the rest of the world just melted away. There was only you and me. Me and you. All manners went out the window and I didn't care who saw.
Baby, neither of us could have foreseen how life was about to change. I never could have imagined that you would become forbidden to me, my only temptation sprung from my only love. Is this what my life has become, that the angel on my shoulder has morphed into a tiny Soup Nazi? Maybe we should have had one last fling before it was official, but it just felt wrong. It had to be over.
I know that you'll find someone else to love you. Not as much as I did-who could?-but they will love you nonetheless. And I will see you in my dreams-
There is a rather memorable scene in the movie Amelie, in which the movie's heroine of sorts stands on a rooftop and wonders aloud how many couples are, ahem, making it to the Promised Land, if you will, at that very moment. After a montage that one's eyes could go without, she turns to the camera with a wicked smile and whispers, "Fifteen."
I had a similar question, albeit more innocent, the other morning while saying the Shema. A Jew is commanded to recite the Shema twice per day, when one arises and again before retiring. It seems general enough. And yet the Sages implemented specific times by which it must be said each morning and evening. Like most mitzvot, there are many reasons given for these ordinances. But I can't help but wonder, just as we seek to emulate G-d in everything that we do, do specific time frames stack the odds of multiple Jews affirming G-d is One, as one?
I may be right, I may be crazy. Regardless, it gives me a sense of peace to know that I could very well be performing this mitzvah in unity with other Jews. Given the times appropriated and my location in Chicago, those Jews might be in LA or in New York. It's entirely possible that my Shema in the evening is overlapping with a morning Shema somewhere in Israel. Or, who knows, maybe even fifteen.
I have no idea how to introduce myself. Trying to encapsulate who I am in words always seems as slippery as the thoughts that inevitably flee the moment someone asks what I am thinking. I can tell you that I am an Orthodox Jew, by choice, not by birth. The story of my conversion is a long and winding one, and rather than tell it from the beginning to the end, I will touch on it here and there, so I'm afraid this blog is going to end up like one of those non-chronological movies that my father hates with a passion. Above all, this blog is my love letter to Judaism, a religion that freed me from my persona, brought me home to my truest self, and most importantly, gave me what I had been craving for years: a close relationship with G-d. For so long, I went through a cycle of ignoring anything remotely spiritual, living according to my own whims, only to burn out and desperately seek some meaning in life. I could never bring myself to attend Mass, but I would sit in an empty Cathedral and try to talk to a deity that always seemed out of reach. I would make lists of how to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend. Looking back, I realize they were my own sort of mitzvot; a part of me realized that G-d really is in the details, and the sacred can be reached in the boundaries we set for ourselves.
I have been blessed with the most incredibly supportive family and friends, and with a group of Jewish friends that is continually growing. They inspired me to begin writing about my experiences, partly because I realize that people are fascinated by my decision, but also because although they patiently listen, I'm sure they will be happy that I have an outlet for this. There are two things that I am proudest of in my conversion: First, that I held my ground and converted in the right way for me, and secondly, that I have managed to maintain close relationships with my non-Jew crew and with Jews of all backgrounds and observance levels. With that in mind, I hope that anyone and everyone feels comfortable visiting and interacting on this page.