Are You Happy Now?

I am officially Over. This. Winter. When you're wondering if you should take that trip to London a couple of months earlier than planned because it's currently a balmy 48 degrees there, you might live in Chicago. Actually, forget London--is it too early for me to join the Jewish community in Boca Raton? I play (miniature) golf!

This is what I do. When faced with an uncomfortable situation, I start mentally hitting the 'Escape' button. In some cases, e.g. nasty weather, it's very easy and socially acceptable to do so. There is a sort-of consensus on being able to have one mood in winter and another when it's lovely out. As a Jew, however, I would be remiss if I didn't dig a little deeper and see if I can do a little better. Whatever the scenario, the question is: Will I allow myself to be governed by the whims of chance and circumstance, or will I choose to be the person I want to be in every moment, regardless of whether it's a blessing or a challenge? I didn't phrase it that way by accident: Even at the root, there is a choice.

As I mentioned in my New Year's post, I am striving to be more grateful. Part of gratitude is staying in the present, focusing on what I have rather than jumping ahead to what I want instead. I have a warm home. I have all the proper accoutrements should I venture outside. What may seem standard to me, what is easy to take for granted, are in actuality blessings, and they are really all I need. I want to be a person who is content with what I have and where I am every day, who will be in a good mood and resist kvetching whatever the weather.

I think people often misconstrue happiness as an absence of any pain or discomfort, but that's not what it is at all. Happiness that depends on outside factors is happiness that fades fast. I believe that true happiness is a combination of acceptance of what is, trust in G-d, and working on myself in the meantime. These things cannot be shaken by a little Arctic blast.

To everything there is a season. If not for the dark and cold parts, there wouldn't be any new growth.

Stay warm,
cbg

Happy New Year

There are undoubtedly reasons why today and tomorrow have nothing to do with Jews or Judaism. January is named after the Roman god Janus, who was depicted as literally two-faced--one glancing back to the past, the other looking forward into the future. What we now know as the Gregorian calendar was preceded by the Julian calendar, instituted by one Julius Caesar after spending time in Cleopatra's Alexandria and learning about proper astronomy. While Caesar wanted to make the vernal equinox the start of the new year, he ceded to the objections of Senators who took office on January 1st according to the Roman civil calendar. Yes, politicians were just as self-involved back then.

In the 16th century, Pope Gregory XIII instituted further calendar reform and had no problem naming the new one after himself, even though most of the work had been done by his predecessor. Since this happened not long after the Reformation, many Protestants viewed the change as a conspiracy to suppress their beliefs, and it took decades or even centuries for countries with a non-Catholic majority to begin using the Gregorian calendar (The US, as British colonies, in 1752). As it turns out, the Vatican was thumbing its nose at the Jews, not the Protestants--one of the major catalysts for a new calendar was putting distance between Easter and Passover, a move initiated by the Council of Nicaea.

I would venture to guess that drinking too much on New Year's Eve is a tradition inherited from the Romans, a people who loved excess. So much so, in fact, that it was common to have a servant tickle one's throat at a banquet to make room for more food and alcohol. And you thought holding your friend's hair in college was gross.

And yet, the Jewish influence is there, because people also recognize the impending new year as a time to reflect, a chance to improve. Of course, it's a cliche that most resolutions don't stick, and I think Judaism can provide helpful insight on this. First, community is key. Modern-day experts back this up and say that making a goal with at least one other person stacks the odds in favor of success. Let's say your New Year's resolution is to go to the gym X times per week. Imagine everyone you know making the same goal. You open your prayer book, it's there. The topic is all over your favorite blogs. If you're wondering how the Jewish religion and people have remained intact for over three millenia, now you know. Community is how we do.

Next up, why on earth have you resolved to go to the gym? Speaking of the Romans, you know how we think everyone bathing together in public bathhouses was gross? I'm convinced future generations will feel the same about our gyms, and rightfully so. Let the record show that I am a woman ahead of my time and not just a germaphobe. In all fairness, some people actually do enjoy the camaraderie of grunting and sweating together. (Ew.) But those people, my dear, don't need to resolve to go. So what's really holding you back? Perhaps you're already decently active, and deep down, you sense that there is more to life than a perfect body. How wise you are. I'll also let you in on another secret the Jewish people have known for quite some time: If you're going to do something, make it beautiful. For myself, staying healthy and making it beautiful means ballet, tennis, and taking long walks. When I wanted to pray more, I moved on from my learning siddur to one whose words capture my heart. You get the picture. By all means, make the goal. Just know that there is nothing wrong with actually enjoying self-improvement.

So no, this is technically not my New Year. I'm still working on my Rosh Hashanah "resolutions." But seeing as I live in a country where it's celebrated, it's not a religious non-Jewish holiday, and I welcome any excuse to grow, I hereby resolve to do the following in 2014: Strive to be more down-to-earth, to be more grateful (to people and to G-d), and to be kinder. Lucky for me, I'm part of something that offers me 613 ways to achieve those goals.

Happy New Year!
cbg

P.S. I also decided to give up social media for 2014. If the withdrawal doesn't kill me first, I'll be blogging about it at some point for my friend Ruchi over at Out of the Ortho Box.

Xmas Makes Me Believe

I grew up believing in a lot of things. I believed that an overweight man in strange clothes spied on me throughout the year and then rewarded good behavior by breaking into my family's home through inexplicable means and leaving a pile of presents and a stocking of sweets. On a more serious note, I was raised to believe that the holiday was really all about the birth of a Jewish man, a story replete with details that required an even bigger leap of faith.

I thought that I would be leaving Xmas far behind by converting to Judaism, but I was wrong. There's no escaping it. Jews of all persuasions seem just as preoccupied with it as my goyishe family, though for different reasons. How do we prevent Jewish children from wanting Xmas? Are Xmas traditions for Chanukah ok, e.g. gifts or blue and white lights? How do I handle being wished "Merry Christmas"?

Being a Jewish convert during the holiday season is no easy feat, but I have come to believe Xmas can be used to strengthen my Judaism, not weaken it. I don't regard it as a coincidence that the Jewish holiday that commemorates resisting assimilation lands on the calendar right around the time everything gets hyper holly jolly.

People on both sides have a hard time believing I don't miss Xmas. It helps that I never had a tree in any of my residences after leaving home and I hate most of the music with a passion. That being said, it's easy to take things for granted when they're a regular part of your life. Several months after beginning my conversion studies, I approached my first Xmas warily. Would I feel a twinge of regret over giving all this up?

If I wasn't fully sure I had what it took to be a committed Jew, that first Xmas made me believe. In the art and fashion worlds, juxtaposition is often used to make certain details "pop." Xmas makes my Judaism "pop." The more I know what Judaism is, what I stand for, the less intimidated I am by Xmas. Pretty lights are pretty lights. Magic fades. Myths are outgrown. I choose to believe in miracles.

I believe in Judaism. I believe in its beauty and its strength; no need to gild the lily with traditions that aren't ours. I believe that giving my children an entire heritage is more important than giving them stuff. I believe in resisting assimilation and being proud to be different. I believe in the power of family, because I've remained close with mine despite giving up their holidays. I believe that Xmas is generally good for the world. I believe in my Judaism enough that I can say that. I believe that I can admire certain things about the holiday season, and still be happy and grateful that I left it behind and became a Jew. I believe all these things because of Xmas. It can be the best time of the year to be Jewish, believe me.

Speaking of Apples...

"Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes, the ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them; about the only thing you can't do is ignore them, because they change things. They push the human race forward. While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do." -Steve Jobs

The other night, when my date proposed a movie, I couldn't resist suggesting This Is Us in 3D. I'm still laughing over the fact that he fell for it, can't help it. Reading over our actual options at the theater, I casually said, "Jobs...oh, that Steve Jobs movie..." only to see his face light up like a menorah on the eighth night of Hanukkah. I guess the joke was on me: Jobs it was.

In all seriousness, I am happy I saw it. Although I'm not an Apple enthusiast (I have an iPhone but verbally abuse it just as much as my non-Apple devices), Jobs' story is undoubtedly compelling. Against all odds, he built a successful company on the convictions expressed above. Standing on one foot, the mold was made to be broken.

At first blush, all this talk of breaking rules may seem to go against the very nature of Judaism, a religion of 613 laws. But I believe it's just the opposite. We Jews are the original crazy ones, misfits, rebels, and troublemakers. Abraham, the very first Jew, stood in opposition to an entire world of polytheists and declared the existence of the one true G-d. The Israelites were crazy enough to accept the Torah at Mount Sinai, confident that they could change the world through it. Boy, did they ever.

Over 3,000 years later, Judaism is still resisting the status quo. Like Steve Jobs with each new device, we continuously push to do better. We're not afraid to think differently, and sometimes we've been persecuted for that. But we always bounce back. Whatever an individual or an entire society thinks about the Jews, they certainly can't ignore us. Because it is our destiny to lead, to push the human race forward.

This fate is fulfilled Jew by Jew. Just as every letter is needed in the Torah, each Jew, man or woman, born or convert, has a purpose to serve for the entire Jewish people. So don't be afraid to be different from the other nations. Dare to have a bigger vision, to make 5774 an even better version than all the ones that came before it. We are the people who are crazy enough to think we can change the world, and against all odds, we do.

L'Shana Tova!
cbg

New Guest Post!

Sharon Langert, the woman behind Fashion-Isha.com, is one of the most incredible Jewish women I've ever met. And I say that without having actually met her. This crazy thing called the Internet has allowed me to connect with Jews all over the world, Sharon among them. Her site constantly inspires me and I genuinely look up to her. So when she asked me to do a guest post, it was like being asked if I want to go to Nordy's. Um, YEAH I do. One of my favorite things about this lady is that while she makes tznius look gorgeous day in, day out, she doesn't judge women who don't. Sharon has offered me encouragement and support when I've touched on the topic before, so I knew I could discuss what the idea of modesty has done for me, even if I'm not perfect at it (yet). Head over to the post and share your thoughts!

cbg

Why Princesses of Long Island Was a Kiddush Hashem.

Please forgive my absence--my uncle passed on July 21st and I took much-needed time off to grapple with his impending death and then grieve him. We will miss him terribly, but it is a relief to know he's at peace and out of pain. I can't thank you enough for your prayers.

Given the title of this post, I'm sure there are a lot of challah rolls aimed at my head, but just hear me out. When the show first kicked off, I was as horrified as anyone. I think it would have been even harder for me to watch before my conversion--to see most of these girls think it's about how many Louis bags they own when I was dying to join the Jewish people. But as the season progressed, I noticed an emerging pattern: In the midst of the drama (of course there was drama) in each episode, Chanel, who identified herself as Modern Orthodox and was the most observant by far, was doing us proud. Before you launch into the laundry list of things she could have handled better, I think it's worth pointing out how few of us would look good under that much surveillance. As we go into Elul, there's a lot of talk about reviewing the last year, and I imagine seeing yourself on TV--all the ups, every single down--feels about the same as it would if G-d showed us everything He "caught on camera."

No, Chanel wasn't perfect, but what stood out to me was her constant willingness to reflect and improve. After an altercation at Amanda's White Party to launch her Drink Hanky (no comment), Chanel met with her Rabbi to admit she was not being her best self, chalking it up to the pressure of being "older" and unmarried in the Orthodox world. (And to any of the bloggers I saw dismissing her feelings throughout the season, you are either not Orthodox or not female. Trust me, that pressure is real--both socially, and because as Chanel gets closer to 30, her dating pool will increase in age quite dramatically. But that's another post for another day.) Chanel's Rabbi, by the way, was the only one we saw on the show, and not only did he not look or sound like a cliched Orthodox Rabbi, he dispensed some priceless advice that any woman could take to heart.

While the other ladies organized events around boats or fledgling businesses, Chanel brought them together for Shabbat dinner, her sister's big Jewish wedding, and a Rosh Hashanah ritual. She couldn't control the dramz that erupted before and during these occasions, but she also didn't revel in it. Rather than engage in lashon hora, Chanel encouraged both parties to speak directly to each other and make peace. I can't contrast her behavior with the others' without speaking lashon hora myself, but suffice it to say she proved an overall positive representation of Jewish women to viewers.

And that leads me to my point. None of the other girls or their families professed to be religious; some even mocked making a bracha over food. The one "Princess" who didn't reinforce negative stereotypes, the one you'd actually want to be friends with in real life, was the religious one. Bravo seemed to be aiming for a Jewish version of The Real Housewives of New Jersey: catfights and materialistic showing off with a little Yiddish sprinkled in. But Chanel didn't let them get away with that, because at the end of the day, Jewish culture is nothing without Judaism. Perhaps most impressively, she never let religion create a chasm between herself and the other girls or acted self-righteous. In the final episode, as she used Tashlich to heal an ongoing feud, she ended the season with the following (though I am paraphrasing) thoughts: "Not everyone is going to be BFFs here. But we are all Jewish women, and we have to come together. Our people have been through enough." Tell me that doesn't make you kvell.

If Season 2 continues to show Chanel acting as a leader, demonstrating what Jewish life is really all about, then count me in.

cbg

Prayer Request.

Although I made the decision to join the Jewish people, I am privileged and proud to come from a wonderful family full of people who fit the description of Righteous Goyim to a T. One such person is my Uncle Tom, who is currently dying from the cancer he has bravely battled for years. Words cannot adequately capture all of his great qualities and what he has contributed to the world, but suffice it to say that all of us who know him will feel his loss acutely for the rest of our lives. At this time, it is painfully obvious that any chance of recovery is unlikely. So I ask that anyone who reads this blog please pray that his last days on this earth be free from pain and confusion, and that he feel only peace.

Thank you,
cbg