Xmas Makes Me Believe

I grew up believing in a lot of things. I believed that an overweight man in strange clothes spied on me throughout the year and then rewarded good behavior by breaking into my family's home through inexplicable means and leaving a pile of presents and a stocking of sweets. On a more serious note, I was raised to believe that the holiday was really all about the birth of a Jewish man, a story replete with details that required an even bigger leap of faith.

I thought that I would be leaving Xmas far behind by converting to Judaism, but I was wrong. There's no escaping it. Jews of all persuasions seem just as preoccupied with it as my goyishe family, though for different reasons. How do we prevent Jewish children from wanting Xmas? Are Xmas traditions for Chanukah ok, e.g. gifts or blue and white lights? How do I handle being wished "Merry Christmas"?

Being a Jewish convert during the holiday season is no easy feat, but I have come to believe Xmas can be used to strengthen my Judaism, not weaken it. I don't regard it as a coincidence that the Jewish holiday that commemorates resisting assimilation lands on the calendar right around the time everything gets hyper holly jolly.

People on both sides have a hard time believing I don't miss Xmas. It helps that I never had a tree in any of my residences after leaving home and I hate most of the music with a passion. That being said, it's easy to take things for granted when they're a regular part of your life. Several months after beginning my conversion studies, I approached my first Xmas warily. Would I feel a twinge of regret over giving all this up?

If I wasn't fully sure I had what it took to be a committed Jew, that first Xmas made me believe. In the art and fashion worlds, juxtaposition is often used to make certain details "pop." Xmas makes my Judaism "pop." The more I know what Judaism is, what I stand for, the less intimidated I am by Xmas. Pretty lights are pretty lights. Magic fades. Myths are outgrown. I choose to believe in miracles.

I believe in Judaism. I believe in its beauty and its strength; no need to gild the lily with traditions that aren't ours. I believe that giving my children an entire heritage is more important than giving them stuff. I believe in resisting assimilation and being proud to be different. I believe in the power of family, because I've remained close with mine despite giving up their holidays. I believe that Xmas is generally good for the world. I believe in my Judaism enough that I can say that. I believe that I can admire certain things about the holiday season, and still be happy and grateful that I left it behind and became a Jew. I believe all these things because of Xmas. It can be the best time of the year to be Jewish, believe me.

Speaking of Apples...

"Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes, the ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them; about the only thing you can't do is ignore them, because they change things. They push the human race forward. While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do." -Steve Jobs

The other night, when my date proposed a movie, I couldn't resist suggesting This Is Us in 3D. I'm still laughing over the fact that he fell for it, can't help it. Reading over our actual options at the theater, I casually said, "Jobs...oh, that Steve Jobs movie..." only to see his face light up like a menorah on the eighth night of Hanukkah. I guess the joke was on me: Jobs it was.

In all seriousness, I am happy I saw it. Although I'm not an Apple enthusiast (I have an iPhone but verbally abuse it just as much as my non-Apple devices), Jobs' story is undoubtedly compelling. Against all odds, he built a successful company on the convictions expressed above. Standing on one foot, the mold was made to be broken.

At first blush, all this talk of breaking rules may seem to go against the very nature of Judaism, a religion of 613 laws. But I believe it's just the opposite. We Jews are the original crazy ones, misfits, rebels, and troublemakers. Abraham, the very first Jew, stood in opposition to an entire world of polytheists and declared the existence of the one true G-d. The Israelites were crazy enough to accept the Torah at Mount Sinai, confident that they could change the world through it. Boy, did they ever.

Over 3,000 years later, Judaism is still resisting the status quo. Like Steve Jobs with each new device, we continuously push to do better. We're not afraid to think differently, and sometimes we've been persecuted for that. But we always bounce back. Whatever an individual or an entire society thinks about the Jews, they certainly can't ignore us. Because it is our destiny to lead, to push the human race forward.

This fate is fulfilled Jew by Jew. Just as every letter is needed in the Torah, each Jew, man or woman, born or convert, has a purpose to serve for the entire Jewish people. So don't be afraid to be different from the other nations. Dare to have a bigger vision, to make 5774 an even better version than all the ones that came before it. We are the people who are crazy enough to think we can change the world, and against all odds, we do.

L'Shana Tova!
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New Guest Post!

Sharon Langert, the woman behind Fashion-Isha.com, is one of the most incredible Jewish women I've ever met. And I say that without having actually met her. This crazy thing called the Internet has allowed me to connect with Jews all over the world, Sharon among them. Her site constantly inspires me and I genuinely look up to her. So when she asked me to do a guest post, it was like being asked if I want to go to Nordy's. Um, YEAH I do. One of my favorite things about this lady is that while she makes tznius look gorgeous day in, day out, she doesn't judge women who don't. Sharon has offered me encouragement and support when I've touched on the topic before, so I knew I could discuss what the idea of modesty has done for me, even if I'm not perfect at it (yet). Head over to the post and share your thoughts!

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Why Princesses of Long Island Was a Kiddush Hashem.

Please forgive my absence--my uncle passed on July 21st and I took much-needed time off to grapple with his impending death and then grieve him. We will miss him terribly, but it is a relief to know he's at peace and out of pain. I can't thank you enough for your prayers.

Given the title of this post, I'm sure there are a lot of challah rolls aimed at my head, but just hear me out. When the show first kicked off, I was as horrified as anyone. I think it would have been even harder for me to watch before my conversion--to see most of these girls think it's about how many Louis bags they own when I was dying to join the Jewish people. But as the season progressed, I noticed an emerging pattern: In the midst of the drama (of course there was drama) in each episode, Chanel, who identified herself as Modern Orthodox and was the most observant by far, was doing us proud. Before you launch into the laundry list of things she could have handled better, I think it's worth pointing out how few of us would look good under that much surveillance. As we go into Elul, there's a lot of talk about reviewing the last year, and I imagine seeing yourself on TV--all the ups, every single down--feels about the same as it would if G-d showed us everything He "caught on camera."

No, Chanel wasn't perfect, but what stood out to me was her constant willingness to reflect and improve. After an altercation at Amanda's White Party to launch her Drink Hanky (no comment), Chanel met with her Rabbi to admit she was not being her best self, chalking it up to the pressure of being "older" and unmarried in the Orthodox world. (And to any of the bloggers I saw dismissing her feelings throughout the season, you are either not Orthodox or not female. Trust me, that pressure is real--both socially, and because as Chanel gets closer to 30, her dating pool will increase in age quite dramatically. But that's another post for another day.) Chanel's Rabbi, by the way, was the only one we saw on the show, and not only did he not look or sound like a cliched Orthodox Rabbi, he dispensed some priceless advice that any woman could take to heart.

While the other ladies organized events around boats or fledgling businesses, Chanel brought them together for Shabbat dinner, her sister's big Jewish wedding, and a Rosh Hashanah ritual. She couldn't control the dramz that erupted before and during these occasions, but she also didn't revel in it. Rather than engage in lashon hora, Chanel encouraged both parties to speak directly to each other and make peace. I can't contrast her behavior with the others' without speaking lashon hora myself, but suffice it to say she proved an overall positive representation of Jewish women to viewers.

And that leads me to my point. None of the other girls or their families professed to be religious; some even mocked making a bracha over food. The one "Princess" who didn't reinforce negative stereotypes, the one you'd actually want to be friends with in real life, was the religious one. Bravo seemed to be aiming for a Jewish version of The Real Housewives of New Jersey: catfights and materialistic showing off with a little Yiddish sprinkled in. But Chanel didn't let them get away with that, because at the end of the day, Jewish culture is nothing without Judaism. Perhaps most impressively, she never let religion create a chasm between herself and the other girls or acted self-righteous. In the final episode, as she used Tashlich to heal an ongoing feud, she ended the season with the following (though I am paraphrasing) thoughts: "Not everyone is going to be BFFs here. But we are all Jewish women, and we have to come together. Our people have been through enough." Tell me that doesn't make you kvell.

If Season 2 continues to show Chanel acting as a leader, demonstrating what Jewish life is really all about, then count me in.

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Prayer Request.

Although I made the decision to join the Jewish people, I am privileged and proud to come from a wonderful family full of people who fit the description of Righteous Goyim to a T. One such person is my Uncle Tom, who is currently dying from the cancer he has bravely battled for years. Words cannot adequately capture all of his great qualities and what he has contributed to the world, but suffice it to say that all of us who know him will feel his loss acutely for the rest of our lives. At this time, it is painfully obvious that any chance of recovery is unlikely. So I ask that anyone who reads this blog please pray that his last days on this earth be free from pain and confusion, and that he feel only peace.

Thank you,
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Deficiencies and Difficulties.

My favorite blessing after eating is Borei Nefashot--and no, not because it's the shortest. Nor is it because saying it means I ate a salad, as opposed to, say, pasta or bread. Rather, I am partial to this short and sweet bracha for its poetic rhythm and its standout feature: a reminder to thank G-d for both problems and solutions.

Blessed are You, Hashem, our G-d, King of the Universe, the blessing goes, Who creates numerous living things with their deficiencies ; for all that You have created with which to maintain the life of every being. Blessed is He, the life of the worlds.

Take a second look at that middle part, which essentially says: G-d created all of the creatures of the Earth with a need for nutrition, as well as hunger pangs that will drive them to need to eat, but He also created a wide array of food perfectly suited to each of them.

It's no secret that holidays--Jewish and non-Jewish alike--revolve around food. Many times, a person's favorite holiday will even be based on their favorite dish(es) being served on that day. So while we could wonder why G-d didn't just create a world in which humans and animals never felt hungry and could survive and thrive without food, would you want to live in such a world? Having just spent a Shabbat full of the aforementioned pasta, cinnamon rolls, guacamole, and limoncello gelato, my vote is NO.

Sometimes life is hard. Situations can be out of our control, and problems arise that seem at first glance to have no deeper meaning or purpose. In such times, everything we need to know is in the Borei Nefashot: There is no challenge that does not have a G-d-created remedy. And it is by feeding any deficiency in our lives or ourselves with strength, with determination, with prayer, with calm surrender, that we are sustained. Science tells us that when a particle of matter collides with its opposite--a particle of anti-matter--a burst of energy is created. Trust that G-d has provided you with both the problem and the solution in order to propel you forward into the person you are meant to be.

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P.S. Please support your local Food Bank to help those affected by hunger.

We All Fall Down.

Gwyneth Paltrow is a gadol of the fashion world, if you will. The woman just does no wrong--or rather, did no wrong, because her perfect record took quite the hit last week when she appeared in the above at her Iron Man 3 premiere. The offending dress not only obviously prevented underwear from being an option, but apparently left our dear Gwynnie feeling "humiliated."

Yes, unlike some shameless celebrities who have no qualms about showing too much (and who shall remain unnamed), Gwyneth knows she is better than this dress. It's the feeling we all get when we mess up. That wisest of kings Shlomo HaMelech once said, "The righteous man may fall seven times and yet arise" and the Sages of the Talmud concur. It's not about the mistake itself, it's what you choose to do afterward. Do you defend it, rationalize it, as Gwyneth's stylist did? Or do you, as I hope to G-d Gwyneth is doing, vow to do better next time, and use it as a launching pad into your potential greatness?

Your past mistakes do not define you. Need more style inspiration? Just look at how far Victoria Beckham has come in the last eight years. The same women who rolled their eyes at her front-row presence during Fashion Week several years ago are now on the waiting lists for her It bags. Rest assured that no matter where you are in observance right now, if you want to do better, you can do better. Having the will to improve is half the battle. But don't get too comfortable at any point, because--as our girl Gwyneth now knows--there's definitely always some improvement to be done.

Happy Lag B'Omer!
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