On Banning Bossy

It was my sister who first brought the "Ban Bossy" campaign to my attention, when we were discussing our niece and her, uh, leadership tendencies, if a two-year-old shouting, "No! You do it!" can be described as a leader.

Since then, I've watched the video and read various posts on it, and I've been mulling over why it doesn't sit quite right with me. Initially I thought my knee-jerk eye roll was due to yet another "Treat girls like boys" sentiment. But the truth is that I don't have my own children and I haven't observed enough children of both genders to know if their respective bossiness is indeed handled differently. Sheryl Sandberg, who is spearheading the movement, has apparently been keeping up her data analysis at the playground while I'm racing my niece to the slide. And that, I suppose, is why Sheryl is the COO of Facebook and I am a person who wastes time on Facebook. I thought it only fair to dig deeper and ask myself if she was on to something.

Here is what I know: The same sister I mentioned above has many childhood memories of being shoved into a costume and made to play a supporting role of my choosing. When my parents told me I was being too bossy, they weren't trying to stifle my ambitions. In fact, they got me involved in theatre programs at a young age and always encouraged my talents. But they also placed great emphasis on being kind and fair to others; what they wanted to discourage was my propensity for treating my friends like props and disregarding their ideas. If I was emulating a leader, it was of the dictator variety. (I never saw them treat my brother differently, mostly because he is the youngest and never stood a chance at being bossy.)

I've realized that what ultimately bothers me about "Ban Bossy" is its oversimplification of the issue. True leaders create other leaders. They accept feedback, trade ideas, and seek out talent to enhance the team. So perhaps some parents are quicker to notice unkind behavior in their daughters than in their sons. And yes, some men have built their careers on getting others to do their bidding. Rather than want girls to grow up to do the same, don't we owe it to all children to teach them a bigger lesson? I don't have an alliterative catchphrase, but I think we can do better than boycotting a word. By all means, intervene when you witness bossiness in your sons and daughters, and instead teach them real leadership values that will not only be good for their career, but also for the world.

xo cbg

We All Fall Down.

Gwyneth Paltrow is a gadol of the fashion world, if you will. The woman just does no wrong--or rather, did no wrong, because her perfect record took quite the hit last week when she appeared in the above at her Iron Man 3 premiere. The offending dress not only obviously prevented underwear from being an option, but apparently left our dear Gwynnie feeling "humiliated."

Yes, unlike some shameless celebrities who have no qualms about showing too much (and who shall remain unnamed), Gwyneth knows she is better than this dress. It's the feeling we all get when we mess up. That wisest of kings Shlomo HaMelech once said, "The righteous man may fall seven times and yet arise" and the Sages of the Talmud concur. It's not about the mistake itself, it's what you choose to do afterward. Do you defend it, rationalize it, as Gwyneth's stylist did? Or do you, as I hope to G-d Gwyneth is doing, vow to do better next time, and use it as a launching pad into your potential greatness?

Your past mistakes do not define you. Need more style inspiration? Just look at how far Victoria Beckham has come in the last eight years. The same women who rolled their eyes at her front-row presence during Fashion Week several years ago are now on the waiting lists for her It bags. Rest assured that no matter where you are in observance right now, if you want to do better, you can do better. Having the will to improve is half the battle. But don't get too comfortable at any point, because--as our girl Gwyneth now knows--there's definitely always some improvement to be done.

Happy Lag B'Omer!
cbg